What have I learned so far about managing myself and other people? This is a question that I find myself returning to year after year to see how I have changed and consequently how my answer to this question has changed.

First, everyone is different. That means we have unique styles of working, interacting, and governing ourselves. What is acceptable behavior to one individual is not to another. Over the years of working with so many and such diverse coworkers I have a good grasp that we are not all alike.

What has taken me awhile to start learning is that since we are so different from eachother, everyone has to be treated differently. I know, I know, everyone should be treated equally; I learned that growing up, too. But that is a preposterous idea in the world of business.
We come in all different types and temperments, shapes and sizes. Should everyone have to wear the same size underwear?

In fact, I argue that to manage and be managed effectively we have to meet people where they are at - we have to create different ways to interact and work with others. We should all have different sizes of underwear that fit us comfortably. The disorganized person needs a little more help in staying focused and on track, the self-motivated needs to be given more space to succeed, the independent needs to be presented with suggestions and not edicts.

Second, within our differences we vary depending on the situation. Yes, that means it gets even more complicated because people are, well, people. Sometimes we have good days and sometimes we have bad days. There can be a million different reasons that affect how we work throughout a day or a project. Is the phone ringing all day? Did you sleep well the night before? Was your parking space waiting for you today?

As I manage more and more people I have begun to feel like a psychotherapist while I am at work. I spend a lot more time listening now than I used to, and I listen for what is not always said but is conveyed to me. They always manage to tell me what it is that they need or motivates them, whether they mean to or not. The argumentative person maybe has not been listened to much or feels defensive about their work, the questioning person is possibly passive-aggressive.

So when I can figure out what it is that the person wants, what their underwear size is, I gear my style of interaction and management to that need. The hardware and software on a project are never the hard parts, it’s always the people.